Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
