my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you win again, gameday.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
