I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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