Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
