4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
