Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
