man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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