i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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