I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had to cum in my sink.
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