i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
