So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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