this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
