smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
