party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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