I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
