i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
