He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You need Xanax blowdarts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
