If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
