Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
