Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
