It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
