anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
