South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
