I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
