I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize