I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
