If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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