I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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