I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
