I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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