There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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