she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
