I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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