The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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