i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
