This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
