Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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