My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize