the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
