This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
