The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize