you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
