so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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