I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
