I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
