Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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