The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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