oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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