His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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