you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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