I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
