I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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