$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
