I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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