If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
