I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
