Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
