So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He has the fingertips of a God
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
