OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
