im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
