I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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