Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
