drinking out of a sandbucket again
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
