i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
