did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
