Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
