i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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