:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
