Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
