ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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