I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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