He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Alive.
So much puke
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize