Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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