I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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