you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
