I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
