i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
