she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
