i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
