everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
