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I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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