Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
